They say that happiness can’t be found in wealth or fame, but rather in the bond we share with those around us; especially our loved ones. But what we oftentimes do not consider is the sheer bliss which can be had from giving. Almost a year ago, one of my treasured cousins (AKA one of my many mothers) invited a few relatives to her house and informed us that she would be leaving the island, for a while, to work and as such was asking that we check in on her five kids from time to time. Though we were all happy for her as we knew she had it tough; we struggled to wrap our minds around how in the hell this would work! Nevertheless, we offered our support, expressed our best wishes and emotionally bade her farewell-for-now. Unforeseen by yours truly, at some point in the weeks following her departure; I was appointed commissioner of her affairs, don’t ask me by whom and on what terms.
Amid the chaos of a problematic caregiver, skirmishes over money, an extremely ill child and other discrepancies prone to families, I was struggling to hold the fragments of her carefully orchestrated plans for her kids together. But everything gave when we were jilted by the caregiver seven months in and I was the last man standing with five kids and no idea how to make everything normal again. Three weeks later, all, except Nat were neatly tucked into my spare room with no expiration date on their stay.
I must have been crazy! At least that’s what everyone said. I was married with no kids, holding down a nine-to-five and studying part-time. My house was orderly, I cooked when I felt like it and my Saturdays (which I’d lost by this) were spent lazing abed, writing, reading and or catching up on house chores. All that would change with four rambunctious kids occupying my space! And truthfully, I did everything to prevent them moving in but I had no choice! This way, I could be positive Little Miss was taking her medications, Toni would be more consistent, LJ would quit dropping his little brother on his head (exaggeration) and SJ would stop telling the neighbors he’s starving when he’s just eaten. They had options I knew, I had personally explored many of them and I won’t kid myself into believing that I’m indispensable and they would’ve died without my intervention. However, I was thoroughly convinced that I was their best bet.
I was morbidly depressed at the beginning of the first week and by week’s end; I was caught between pleasantly surprised and raving mad. Pleasantly surprised that they were fiercely independent, so much so that at age ten LJ and Little Miss (the twins) could make dinner if I allowed it. And raging mad because LJ and SJ fought every single morning in the shower and I imagined if I were ever to hear a wailing banshee in
the 21st century, it would sound exactly like SJ in those moments. Should I even mention that they battered my potted plant, broke my TV remote and dug little holes in my mattress? No, I won’t even go there. Yet somewhere between then and three months later; they have all managed to mean the world to me. Now instead of the troublesome kids that everyone warned me of; these are the kids I see and they are all mine.
Toni, with her caramel chestnut hair, vivid brown eyes and arresting features, is the most brilliant kid around. I will never forget those nights that I crawled into her bed and held her until she fell asleep. Little Miss is one of the most intelligent persons that exists and to know her is to love her. LJ is the rudest kid in the world but he has the softest of hearts and the most jovial spirit (did I mention his lisp. OMG!). And SJ, the smallest of the lot, is a mini ‘Monk’ down to his stocky six years old feet; don’t even think of talking over his food because you just spat in it and he’s not eating that! So, each morning I can look forward to my coffee from little Miss topped with a kiss, a big smile and snugly hug form Toni, a softly spoken "good morning Aunty" from SJ and a “You alright Aunty?” from LJ about a million times throughout the day. These little things have opened the floodgates of my heart and allowed forgiveness, honesty, humility, peace, happiness, love… and the restoration of my faith to hop in. They have helped me to revisit the unpleasant memories of my own childhood and allowed bygones to be just that. In turn, I gave them what I had craved then, to be heard, to be understood and to be loved and cared for.
Our children are a reflection of our struggles, pain and shortcoming – perhaps even failures. They absorb our energy- good or bad – and reciprocate the only way they know how. Unfortunately, our actions don’t always correspond with our words. To say my cousin is a perfect parent is to say humans are prone to perfection. She doesn’t always make the right decisions by others’ standards but her choices are made with profound love for her children. She has made hard choices and I cannot help but respect her for it. If I were to tell her one thing, it is that you are too kind and you should think before you give, but you will be fine.
I can still recall the first time I saw my cousin; she was wearing a – slightly worn – pastel yellow ankle-length skirt and she was standing in front of the stove making white flour dumplings to place into the waiting pot of boiling water. Meanwhile, her baby boy was fast asleep on her bed in the next room. Throughout my childhood, this is how I remember her, always taking care of me and her little brother and sister along with her son until other babies of her own came along. It was during those years that we developed our special bond, which survived years of separation and still remain strong to date. Her experiences have become my life lessons. As I watch her fighting to fit it all in; working, taking care of five children – almost singlehandedly – and trying to have fun; I am saddened. Because, I’ve realized that she had never truly had a chance to enjoy her childhood. And so I am tolerant of her harebrained stints because sometimes we have to be senseless in order to remain sane.
As the day draws near for my kids to leave my house; I cannot help but be fearful of how they will readjust. Will my successors realize that Toni’s blasé attitude and tough veneer is a hoax to hide her true feeling? Will they understand that even though Little Miss is intelligent and mature, she is just a kid and therefore will make stupid mistakes? Will they understand that LJ doesn’t see his silly jokes as misleading? Or that he just misses and needs his dad and oftentimes misbehave as a result. Will SJ’s strong-will be mistaken for disrespect or disdain? Will it be as obvious that they are just little people trying so hard to find their way and all they need is guidance? Will they arrive at the notion that it is all about them and never about us. And the one thing that even I have to constantly remind myself of; this is their first childhood and they don’t have the know-how or drive of an adult who has experienced that and then some. But I gain comfort from the strength I know they possess from all they have endured and the fact that they are learning still.
One night, as we snuggled in my bed while watching the latest version of Cinderella; it dawned on me that if ever I was able to choose a superpower I would opt to be a fairy Godmother. Because my greatest pleasure in life is to know that I have brought a smile to someone’s face and joy to their heart. I have, however, concluded that while I may never be able to transform pumpkins into carriages or generate glass slippers out of thin air; I can do something. I can invite four children into my house who run the shower for hours until the house floods, make me repeat myself until I sound like a broken record and wreak havoc on my environs, all so they can know that mommy is not here but Aunty is and everything will be alright.
When was the last time you were a fairy Godmother/father? Maybe not in the embracing the chaos kinda way but simply offering a helping hand to your neighbor. When was the last time you gave of yourself in a manner which yielded no materialistic rewards for you but meant the world to the receiver? I can guarantee that if it was yesterday or last week, you still have that transcendent beacon of accomplishment inside your stomach that permeates all the way to your soul. If you haven’t done so, now is your chance; be that fairy Godmother/father to someone today. I have experienced a few in my life and it has profoundly affected whom I’ve become. Who could’ve guessed that being one could have changed my life in such a positive way? You never know, you’re blessing might just be awaiting you beneath that rustic exterior.
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